Wednesday 26 October 2011

Normal service

...has resumed here in Cuckoo Land. It's not like I can take a week off work to lie in bed and sob all day long! Which is very much what I'd quite like to do, especially as I feel sick and dizzy from the medication I'm taking. But the show must go on and it would do me no good to wallow. Therefore I'm getting on with things best I can. Don't get me wrong, I'm still feeling all that I have been feeling but now it's all out in the open, literally, right out there in the whole world wide web, I'm feeling a positivity creeping over me. I have felt a number of emotions since flinging my last post out there. All the ones you'd expect but also embarrassment. I wasn't expecting that. I suppose for all the "I hate how we don't talk openly about depression" babble I am one of those who has the taboo deeply ingrained into my social persona. I have hovered over the delete button several times, but then I'll remember that in my small way I'm doing what I can to try to break down the stereotypes and the stigma. Also I feel a bit like I have polluted my 'happy place', my neat and tidy sunny blog with gloominess.

I've been touched deeply by all the comments on  my last post. The support you have sent my way does help you know. I have been amazed by not only the amount of private emails I have received but the length of these emails, the kindness in them, the sharing of experience, the overwhelming desire the writer had to try to help me. I am humbled. I will be responding to each and every one as the weeks pass.

It's been more cathartic writing my last blog post and responding to well wishers than the months and months of counselling I have had in the past. But the biggest thing to make a difference was an unexpected email from a fellow bloggers husband. He emailed to say that I have helped him understand his wife better. She is in the same boat as me, sometimes buoyant, sometimes sinking. To know I have properly helped at least one person has made me feel like there truly is a reason for everything.

And for now that is all I will say on the matter of my frame of mind, I shall just quietly get back on track. I'm ever hopeful that I'll snap back quickly this time since I hadn't been walking about getting more and more sad for months on end.

Ok then moving on. Lets talk crochet! I've been crocheting quite a bit since Tuesday. And I have a couple of tad dahhhhhhhhh moments coming on.  I have finished my ripple cowl and the cushion cover for Little's room. I'll do a proper post for each a bit later. But here is a sneaky peek.

The ripple snood waiting for the ends to be woven in

Little is delighted with his bolster cushion

Mini and Little are ill. Not that you'd know it when the calpol kicks in but it is making for quite a tiring time round here. Big has an infection that the creams aren't touching and you already know what's going on with me. Poor Mr C, not only has his wing man fallen meaning he is having to pick up the slack but he has injured his shoulder making it all a bit more tricky. Our half term holiday isn't what we'd planed as we are under house arrest lest we spread about our nasty germs. Therefore I have been focusing on the niceties  of a quite life at home.

Still enjoying flowers Clairey gave me when I got Christened.
They have lasted so long.

Eating plenty of fresh fruit and veg

Drinking fresh mint tea

Enjoying the last of the meadow flowers and sweetpeas

Feasting on delicious soup made from cauliflower and horseradish
Drinking lots of tea (Heather this ones for you!)

So there we are. That's the state of play around here.

Sometime ago now I received a surprise parcel in the post from Sandi (she said she wasn't going to make a habit of sending stuff but I think she fibbed!) Inside was some cream and maroon felt tied with pretty ribbon and these suuuuper duuuuper egg cosies.

Thank you so much Sandi, you perfectly gorgeous lady. (see Sandi's post here)

ps. Next week I am going to New York with Mr C for one of My Girls wedding. Rah is getting married!!!! Granny is moving in to look after the boys. She's such a good egg. There aren't many people who would look after my chaotic brood for nearly a week. She is looking forward to it. I'm not sure if I should warn her what it's really like around here or to keep schtum. Why shatter her illusions! I'm very excited to be going to NYC as I haven't been for such a long time. I used to go twice a month when I was crew for Virgin Atlantic but I haven't been since January 2001. I'm so happy I'll be there to see Rah marry but, oh my, how I will miss the baby. It's ok with the boys as I can talk to them on the phone and I'm used to them being at school or away for the occasional weekend. I haven't left the baby for so long before nor been so far away. I'm very apprehensive that my homesickness will spoil what should be a welcome break and a fantastic holiday. I suppose it's perfect timing in that I'll be able to rest and relax properly but bad timing in that I'm not feeling myself and my imagination is going into high drama overtime.

If anyone has any thoughts on what places, shops, museums, restaurants we should visit then please let me know. I will be doing all the usual stuff but I don't want to miss the less well known places.

pps. Mini's first tooth popped up on the 20th October and he has started to crawl properly. He also properly vomits anytime I try to feed him something savoury. He gags, retches and then throws up the contents of his tummy. So any reassuring stories of fussy eating babies that now eat everything would be most welcome. My other boys preferred fruit to veg but they never threw up, they just spat it out.

ppps. Broody hen is no longer broody and has finally started laying again. 


  1. ah, how I wish I could advise on the places to visit in NYC!!! (have never on the v long list!)
    glad to hear that you are buoyed by blogger love!
    will mail later...
    fee x

  2. Definitely keep schtum about any chaos you feel Granny may witness, I'm sure your little'uns will all be perfectly well behaved when plyed with sweets and chocolate which is what most Granny's do.....its funny when all their morals and discipline they used on us goes out of the window for grandchildren.

    I hope you have a wonderful time in NYC, hope it is the perfect balance of peace, rest, chaos and fun that you need and that it is rejuvenating for you both.

    Your crochet looks lovely, especially your bolster cushion I fancy making one of those. Maybe I'll put one on the looooong list!

    Oh, and to add, when my middle boy was just weaning onto solids we all had a terrible sickness bug (we were living in an inbetween house before coming to the farm which we called 'sick house' as we were constantly ill) anyway, middle boy didn't even have to be given any food we could just put him in a bib and chair and he would throw up on demand......very good party trick. He is now 6 and easily eats us out of house and home, so although it's a stressful stage, I'm sure if you try not to worry, he will eat when he needs to and will soon be back to normal eating again.

  3. Lovely post & crochet, can't wait to see you tomorrow x x

  4. Have a lovely time in NYC, I'll send my friend a link to your blog as she used to be a local so she might have some good ideas of where to go...hope you start to feel better soon xxx P.S. Lovely post and thank you for sharing x

  5. Hahahahaa - I see Helen's comments above. Yes, yes I am the NYC local! I actually just moved away 3 months ago but lived there for 4 years. Please do email me about your trip, where are you going, what would you like to see, is it you and the family or just you and hubby (does make a difference in locale choices as I'm sure you know as a parent). Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn...where exactly is the wedding... I'd love to help in any way that I can!!!

    BTW - your blog is simply adorable! As a new visitor I cannot speak to your last post...but I will tell you that as a blogger that you should not feel embarrassed at being honest. I commend you for being yourself, talking up front about depression which is a very real illness in varying degrees that most people are completely ignorant of, and for also following up about your feelings of having written such a post in this post! Go you. Don't doubt yourself! I for one am applauding you from across the pond. ;)

  6. Oh cuckoo....what to say?! I've only just caught up with your last post and read this one. I get ya. I've been there. Had a break down 3 years ago.....finally hit rock bottom when I realised contemplating suicide wasn't right. Sought help from a counsellor who finally made me realise going to the Dr's wasn't a failing.....that my serotonin levels go up the shoot and that it's a bit of support to help get me through and out the other side. Well I'm still on the meds. The therapy & meds have turned my life around, turned me around too. Training to be a counsellor in the middle of it all wasn't one of my better ideas! A double whamy of crap to wade through but hey I am what I am and finally I'm happy to be me. Digested and dissected, accepted and like myself, got rid of the crap and the crappy people. I don't know why I write this but I guess I just wanted to say that I get ya :) that my blog too is my little space for me to enjoy the things that give me pleasure away from the reality of mundane life. One friend once told me I was a fucking looser for writing about such things in my blog.....needless to say that 'friend' has been kicked to the kerb. I wanted to say good for you, good for you for writing about it. It's when we put pen to paper of type that we finally start to actually process our thoughts so not only have you done a wonderful thing for helping others, you've really done a massive thing for yourself too. That takes one strong lady to be so brave x x x. I'm still on the meds, I know I have a chemical imbalance and that they help with that, it's NOT about failing as a person.

    Have a lovely time in NYC x be kind to yourself and more importantly don't beat yourself up about feeling homesick! Banish the word 'should'!!! I hate that word!!!!

    Take care of your cuckoo's this week and take care of yourself in amongst everything else! Well done you x x x x

    Jo x x x

  7. What a lot of beautiful photos you're sharing with us in this post! Those egg cosies are amazingly cute!!!
    You lucky duck, jetting off to New York! I've never been, but would LOVE to! Will you be blogging about your visit and sharing all your wonderful experiences with us???
    So glad you're feeling a bit more positive now!

  8. AAAAAAAAAAAH *BOOOFFF* (that's me knocking you over with a welcome back cuddle.)

    V. jealous on the NYC front, I would LOVE LOVE to go there! I'm afraid I have no suggestions on where to visit as if I ever got to go I fear I would do things like go and have my photo taken outside the "Friends" building orrrr buy all the US state shaped magnets that I could find. I'm such a tourist, please ignore me.

    and thank you for the EB photo! Have you seen the new Christmas Town ones? I soooooo want a pint one with my name one, but that is a total cost of £32 and er, somewhat extravagant for a mug. Loving you Cornishware too, as always :-)

    love heather xxxx

  9. My kiddos are sick too this half term. It's always the way. Every half term they get sick one after the other. Just hope it won't be my turn any time soon. Gorgeous makes and cheery pics. Enjoy your time in NY. Hubby has just been there. I have never been. x

  10. Oooooooh aaaaahhhhh - that is my response to a trip to NYC. Hopefully you will have such a fab time that all you will be feeling is a lack of homesickness guilt - coz we all know the guilt thing can be quashed with a nice cocktail and some firm words to oneself!
    Mabel has pretty much decided she only eats pudding (curses to that sister of mine giving her chocolate about the age of 1 mnth) so am not the one to give advice on that front. Maybe don't mention the food bit to Granny?
    Bet he is loving crawling though, imagine how fab that must feel if you've been stuck in one place all your life.

    Have a gorgeous break if I don't comment again before you go,
    Nelly xxx

  11. Crochet looks adorable, as always! Hope the kids get better soon. And yes, as it happnes I do happen to have a reassuring fussy food eater story!!!
    My son, who turns 18 next month, firstly had colic as a tiny baby for quite some time. He vomited constantly. When I went back to work, I became used to not getting fully dressed on top until I actually left the house, as I wodul inevitably end up with vomit over the soulder of whatever I was wearing, and I am sure I was renowned for carrying that slight scent of eau de vomvom wherever I went. When he was a toddder he would not eat- just refused anything and everything. I took him to the dr in despair, who said that he was a healthy boy and obviously whatever he was eating was enough to sustain him. Now he is a big lovely healthy 17 year old who eats anything and everything.
    Sending lots of hugs your way!!!
    Can you skype your youngest? I know that might sound daft but seeing him might help??
    You will have the best time in New York!!!

  12. sorry about the typos

  13. Im glad to hear your going well it will do you the world of good you enjoy it and take good care of yourself. Love all the crochet to ;-)) dee xx

  14. Good to see positivity is creeping in there. Lovely crochet and what a star Sandi is with the egg cosies! My brood are all ill too. We are away at the moment, they are all ill and I turn a year older this week too. GREAT, so I am drowning my sorrows with ice cold beer! Such a killjoy! Ha ha

    NYC will be fab, the boys will love being with granny and you will return home to super amounts of love and kisses


  15. Oh thank god for that. Was going to remove you from my blog roll, you miserable old bag.



    You know I said I had a hard time trying not to be envious of you? Can you please not mention the NYC thing again. Thanks.

  16. Hi gorgeous girl, so pleased to hear that things are a wee bit brighter. Your crochet work looks amazing!!! And I beyond jealous - NYC - aaaaargh - how fabulous. Have a brilliant time. Can't wait to see gorgeous pics when you return. Take care hon.

  17. Have a great time in NYC, weddings are always so fun! I would want to go to Magnolia Bakery (I have their cookbook OMG yummy!) and of course Purl Soho for some yarn shopping. Enjoy the change of scenery, and of course it will all be the sweeter to come home to your little guys :)

  18. You do sound brighter, that is such good news!
    I hope you have a wonderful time in NYC, it will do you the world of good, just enjoy the time and don't worry, I'm sure your mum will do a brilliant job with the boys.
    I just love the photo of the baby with the crochet, gorgeous. :)
    Oh and before I go I once had a baby boy who would wretch at the thought of savoury solid food let alone put it in his mouth. That baby boy is now 26 and a real foodie who enjoys every bite he puts in his mouth!!! So fear not!
    Vivienne x

  19. I'm so pleased you're starting to feel a little less overwhelmed, and I hope you have a wonderful time in NYC - I've never been so am very envious. xxx

  20. Dear girl, popped in to see how you are doing. You sound a teensy bit brighter which is good - small steps ...

    Can't help with NY I'm afraid but I do hope the wedding is fabulous.

    Adore the photo of Mini scrunching your crochet! Your boys will have a brilliant time with Granny - try and chillax (god I hate that word)!!!! The trip might be just what you need.

    Take care.


  21. Hi Cuckoo,So glad your feeling a little better. Loving all the photos,especially mini with the ripple snood,ahh,so cute...How wonderful to be off to NYC,We went for my 40th and had such a fab time,Im dying to get back there.take care of yourself,love julie.xxxx

  22. That bolster cushion is gorgeous!!

    Am very jealous about NYC, we've never been to America at all and would particularly love to go to New York, I'd have to do the Sex and the City tour including the Marigold Bakery!!

    hugs, (haha just typed "jugs"!!)

    S x

  23. Ok jet setter, if you go to NY just take a slight detour and come visit me, it's not that far hehe....have a ball you two, make the most of it. Aww Mini having a dribbling yarn appreciation moment (ohh he is SO CUTE) And little and Big enjoying them selves too, funny fellows. All your food is looking quite yumo, making me feel hungry except I've got the 'can't be bothereds' Oh my gawd I laughed at Nicki's comment. I'm pooped, after working a 12 hour day yest, up early this mroning to have my hair done,then into work again today, am sitting with feet up, having a glass of vino (its Friday night). Oh and Granny may have Mini eating savory by the time you get back, its amazing what they will do for other people. Take care sweet cheeks.
    xxoo Sandi

  24. I know how you feel, again. I suspect that the trip to New York will probably help. and if the drugs are making you feel bad, go and see the doctor, there are thousands of different types out there and they can change you over (and they kick in straight away). Amitryptilene are "good".

    NYC is amazing, I'm so jealous. I haven't been since 2007 so I'm not really up to date on where to go and what to see etc, but make sure you go to MOMA (free on Monday's I believe), it's incredible. Give the Gugenheim a miss - I went to see the Kandinskys but they only had about 4 on show and the rest of the exhibits were crap. Oh, and I'm not an arty person, i'm not one for art galleries at all but MOMA is something else.

  25. Hello, I'm one of chipper nellys friends and read from afar!
    I really recommend you go and visit one of alices tea rooms in
    NYC , there us chapters 1-3... You will live them.
    Chin up honey
    Love ally bobsxx

  26. Yay, Broody Hen!! Lay those eggs, girl!

    Your pic of bananas reminded me that I forgot to get bananas at the store! Darn it!!!

    I am so happy to hear that getting your story out on your blog was a sort of therapy. And I know exactly what you mean about the embarrassment aspect... I feel a bit of that every time I post something personal, too.

    Have fun in NYC! I have been there for pretend...when I was in the musical Annie! lol


I L♡VE your comments. Thank you ever so for taking the time. I do try to get back to everyone but I am rather scatty and I have these 3 big distractions....(and I'm just generally a bit rubbish lately, so please don't feel obliged to leave a note) Sorry about the word verification too, too much spam.